It's Really OK to Get Rid of Unwanted Gifts

Sweater from the Ugly Sweater Store

Did you receive some gifts this year that you just don't have any use for? No matter how much you care for the gift-givers, you really do not have to keep the gifts, as even Miss Manners will agree. She requires appropriate thank-you notes, but says you are not stuck with an item that doesn't suit you.

As long as the recipient does not come back with complaints or, worse, a demand that the giver exchange the item, she may do what she likes with it. The only requirement is to prevent the donor’s knowing that it has been rejected. No yard sales in the same neighborhood, for example. And no demanding a receipt.

Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan of Apartment Therapy concurs; he says, in an article I found though Discardia:

One can very gratefully accept someone’s giving and not have to live with their gift. You’re not doing yourself or your friend a service by hanging onto the thing they gave you that you don’t like. What you do owe them, however, is to move it on from your home discreetly.

Author Alexander McCall Smith explained his personal philosophy about such gifts in a series of tweets:

Tweet 1: Christmas brings a major moral problem: what to do with unwanted gifts. Initial reaction: one must pretend to like them. Thank you so much.

Tweet 2: You don't have to keep the present for ever, but you should not give it away immediately. Certainly not on Boxing Day.

Tweet 3: January 25th is about right. Thereafter the unwanted present may be disposed of, preferably given away. If sold, proceeds to charity.

Erin Doland of Unclutterer notes, in an article in Real Simple, that as much as she feared people would ask about the gifts she finally gave away, that wound up not being a problem.

My decorating tastes may change over time, but I am fairly certain I will never enjoy a home filled with a series of rhinestone-accented paintings of scary clowns. Yet I had hoarded these and other unattractive presents because I thought that was the decent thing to do. I also wasn’t sure what I would say if someone noticed his gift missing and asked why. Well, you know what? No one has. Not even the bestower of the scary clowns.

As feng shui expert Karen Kingston says, when it comes to unwanted gifts, "It’s far better to accept the love that was given with the gift and let the physical object go." She also notes that we might consider how we, in turn, feel about the gifts we give to others:

My own attitude is that if I give a gift to someone and it amounts to instant or eventual clutter in their life then I certainly don’t want them to keep it. I would much prefer they sell it, regift it or throw it away if necessary. I give the gift and let it go.

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One Person's Organized Space: CDs and Labels

Sometimes I see someone else's space and just gawk at the lovely way it's been organized — and today was one of those days. I was attending an open studio event when I saw Barbara L's CD collection — and got permission to take a photo and share it with you. (Actually, the whole studio was amazing, filled with lovely things, nicely displayed.)

There's so much to like here, starting with the labeling — including the idiosyncratic "auditory pablum." But I also love how the carefully curated collection of shells and artwork shares the space with the CDs, and how these pieces serve as bookends. And I can see that the shelves are adjustable, so this piece of shelving can readily be used for something other than CDs if Barbara so desires in the future.

I find images like this to be much more inspiring than those you see, in magazines and on TV, of perfectly organized spaces —because it's real and has tons of personality.

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Organizing Lessons from a Cabinet of Curiosities

Photo from Curious Expeditions, found on Flickr, licensed under Creative Commons.

Some months ago, my book group read Bicycle Diaries, by David Byrne. The book didn't do much for me — but the part about the Wunderkammer caught my attention.

What's a Wunderkammer? Wikipedia says:

A cabinet of curiosities was an encyclopedic collection in Renaissance Europe of types of objects whose categorical boundaries were yet to be defined. They were also known by various names such as Cabinet of Wonder, and in German Kunstkammer or Wunderkammer ("wonder-room"). ...

The term cabinet originally described a room rather than a piece of furniture. The classic style of cabinet of curiosities emerged in the sixteenth century, although more rudimentary collections had existed earlier.

And here's what Byrne had to say:

I reach the British Museum, where there is a show of curiosity cabinets. ...

The objects in the Wunderkammer — preserved creatures, odd books and treatises, antique carvings, sacred objects from foreign lands — were often grouped, by Sir John Sloane and other collectors of that period, by whatever criteria seemed appropriate, be it shape, material, or color. There would be, for example, a mass of bulbous objects from various parts of the world and then some sharp, pointy ones grouped together. Many of these objects had nothing to do with one another except for having similar shapes.

Hardly what one would think of as a rigorous, enlightened scientific method of categorization. But thinking back on it, I would suggest that yes, in a truly enlightened world, all green objects are in a way related somehow, more than just by being green, and maybe they are related in a way we don't understand yet, just as all hexagonal objects might share a common trait as well. These crazy groupings might someday be seen as not completely arbitrary.

And any kind of taxonomy might be as good or valid as any other.

And I love that — even if I'm not convinced that Byrne is exactly right — because it illustrates an important organizing principle: There's no one right way to group your things. Organizers often encourage people to group "like with like" — but there are many different ways things can be alike. Just one example: Some people like to group their books by color, while that would drive other people crazy. We all need to just use whatever groupings work for us.

Another interesting perspective comes from David Pescovitz, who writes:

Several years ago, I became fascinated with cabinets of curiosity. The Renaissance predecessor to modern day museums, these cabinets, sometimes entire rooms, were filled with a mish-mash of objects, both natural and artificial, that embodied the wonder of the world. (The German term for these collections, wunderkammer, literally means "chamber of wonders.")

Inside, you might find a mummy's hand, a "unicorn's horn," exotic seashells from distant lands, odd insects pinned and cataloged, and possibly even a two-headed lizard in a jar of formaldehyde. As Tradescant the Elder, one of the most notable cabinet keepers in history, requested in a letter to the Secretary of the English Navy in 1625, this was a quest for "Any thing that is strang."

First photo by rojabo / Jim Brodie; second photo by twiggles / Chris. Both found on Flickr and licensed through Creative Commons.

Reading this reminded me of my visit to the Whitby Museum, where much of the museum serves as a sort of cabinet of curiosities. How else can you quite explain a museum that has a fossil collection as well as a hand of glory?

But Pescovitz went on to say:

Many blogs, including the one I co-edit, have been described as virtual cabinets of curiosity — storehouses of unusual links, odd memes, fringe culture, and weird news.

So welcome to my very own cabinet of curiosities, which I've been creating for exactly five years now!

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The Power of Using Checklists

Checklists save lives. Dr. Atul Gawande makes that very clear in his fascinating book, The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Done Right.

Gawande focuses mostly on airline pilots and medical teams (ICU and surgical). Builders of skyscrapers and other complex structures, and managers of investment funds, also get some attention. (Van Halen and David Lee Roth make a brief appearance, too.)

Aviation checklists have proven their worth for many years now. Manufacturers like Boeing have become experts in creating effective checklists: precise and practical, and tested in flight simulators. Airlines then make customizations; Gawande tells us that "when airlines merge, among the fiercest battles is the one between the pilots over whose checklists will be used."

Such checklists aren't exhaustive, covering every possible issue; they focus on the "the killer items — the steps that are most dangerous to skip and sometimes overlooked nonetheless." When Gawande spoke to Daniel Boorman of Boeing, he learned that "even the look of the checklist matters. Ideally, it should fit on one page. It should be free of clutter and unnecessary colors. It should use both uppercase and lowercase text for ease of reading."

Unfortunately, the surgical checklist developed by the World Health Organization — Gawande was a key player in developing this list — has had much success, but has yet to gain anything close to complete acceptance. I just checked my own area, and many hospitals are actively using the checklist — but many are not. Gawande mentions how he started using the checklist himself, thinking it wouldn't be all the useful in his practice. "To my chagrin, however, I have yet to get through a week in surgery without the checklist's leading us to catch something we would have missed."

Checklists, Gawande argues, don't turn the users into "mindless automatons." Rather, a well-made checklist "gets the dumb stuff out of the way, the routines your brain shouldn't have to occupy itself with ... and lets it rise above to focus on the hard stuff." Both the aviation and the surgical checklists also help build the sense of teamwork needed to effectively deal with emergencies.

While many of us don't work in the complex environments that Gawande describes, checklists can still be useful tools. Reading this book made me appreciate them all the more.

Related Posts:
Organizing for Travel: The Packing List
Checklists: Chore Charts
8 Tips for Getting (and Staying) Organized When You Have Memory Problems

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The Uncluttered Closet: Keeping Only the Clothes You Love

I just finished a book about eccentric glamour written by a clever wit Simon Doonan who says throw out all your ordinary clothes and wear your most fun and fabulous things. -- Franke James; illustration used with her permission

How many of us have closets full of clothes we don't really love? If you're one of those people, head over to Franke James' blog and read her complete illustrated post about how she originally laughed at Doonan's advice - and then decided he might indeed have a point. "My closet will be so spare and uncluttered," she writes. "I will wear only my favorite clothes." You'll want to see the far-from-ordinary clothes and accessories she speaks about keeping!

And you'll be glad to know Franke wasn't considering actually throwing out the "ordinary clothes"; they would go to her sisters and their children, to Goodwill, or to her Freecycle community.

Some people thrive with a personal uniform; Doonan has a different approach which might appeal to others. They are two different strategies for reaching the same goal: closets containing only the clothes which truly serve us, be they functional or fabulous.

And on a personal note: You may have noticed I've not posted much the last two weeks. Sadly, this is because I was out of town visiting my dad; my stepmom just died last week.

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Reader Question: One is Messy, One is Not

Photo by Tericee, found on Flickr; licensed under Creative Commons.

I follow your blog and I love to read it. I also help others with decluttering problems. One problem I am asked frequently is, how can I tidy when the person I live with is messy? I was looking in your archives and you don’t have any articles covering that subject. I’m wondering if you have any great tips you’d love to share in a future blog post?

Here's my advice on the subject - assuming we're talking about a normal amount of clutter, not a hoarding situation:

1. Show respect for the other person. Do not get rid of any of that person's things without permission. And both people might watch the language they use, avoiding phrases like "your junk."

2. See where both people are in agreement. Peter Walsh says, "Imagine the life you want to live" - and then imagine how you want to use the spaces in your home to support that vision. Are both people aligned?

3. Make sure both parties understand that there are different ways to be organized, and understand that one person's approach may not work for the other. I've seen someone who prefers that everything be put away in drawers try to enforce that style with her "need everything out where I can see it" spouse - and it just doesn't work. But you can have things out and still be organized - and tidy!

On a related note: Some people may be naturally less tidy, but you can make things easier on them by making it as simple as possible to be organized and tidy. For example, provide hooks for hanging up clothes, rather than just hangers. Provide an "in box" right where the person normally dumps the incoming mail, not where you'd ideally want to place it. Get off junk mail lists, so there's less mail to deal with.

And for files that both partners use, make sure the file titles make sense to both parties - so they can both easily put things away, and find them. I saw a shared home office where one person filed the home insurance under the name of the insurance company - which was not something the other person would have ever thought to look under. Filing it under Insurance - Home made things much easier!

4. Perhaps both partners can have areas which are entirely under their control (as long as that doesn't pose any health hazard) - and then agree on some ground rules for the common areas.

5. I don't like to sound self-serving, but it really can help to bring in a professional organizer. Having an informed neutral third party involved can make a big difference.

I've worked with couples where if Person 1 asks Person 2 if we can get rid of an item - find it a new home - Person 2 will almost always say no. But if I ask the same question - worded a bit differently, probably - about 50% of the time I'll get a yes.

And of course, an organizer can come up with all those different approaches mentioned above, too.

6. For more on this topic, head over to Unclutterer, where Erin Rooney Doland has some good posts:

• Do you feel animosity toward others in your home about their disorganization?
• What to do if you are organized and your partner isn’t
• It’s All Too Much Workbook has insightful tips for keeping your cool when talking to others about their clutter

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January 2011 Organizing Tips and More

My December 2010 / January 2011 newsletter is now available.

Tip of the Month: Decluttering as a Treasure Hunt

Update on My Own Decluttering: the file cabinets

Product of the Month: P'Kolino Play Kits, sold (among other places) at The Shelving Store.

Also: Organizing Quotes of the Month

If you'd like to get my newsletter by e-mail, you can subscribe.

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Reader Question: Those Spare Buttons that Come with Clothes

Any suggestions on how to identify and organize those packages of buttons - and, with sweaters, those bits of yarn?

I just throw them into a container and never get back to them - but I'm not sure I would be able to identify them anyway!

Personally, my buttons are in their envelopes, in the bottom of my very-rarely-used sewing box. They aren't identified in any way, and I don't recall ever using one. So I went looking around to see what other ideas I could find.

It seems lots of people do something similar to what I do - there are lots of button jars out there! But for those who prefer a more organized approach, I found five techniques commonly in use.

1. Just throw them away.

Some people may want to save the buttons for crafts projects or their decorative value - but for those who don't, this can be a perfectly fine option.

On YouLookFab, blessed02 says: "I throw them all away! I’ve never had any occasion to even go looking for one."

And Lisa concurs: "I used to keep them all. At first I would label each button with the name of the item. Soon I progressed to putting them in a Ziploc bag. ... Now I just toss them out. I don’t recall ever using any of the extra buttons. If I did need one I’d just run to a craft store and pick one up now."

And Valleycat1 chimes in: "I throw them all out. ... I realized several years ago that I never have used the extra button OR sweater thread, so why accumulate them? If you have a large tin full, how would you ever track down the specific one you need? "


2. Sew them into the garment.

On YouLookFab, Amrita says: "Usually I sew them to a side seam or the hem of the garment. Got tired of digging through a button box trying to find the proper matching button."

Another advantage of this approach is that if you lose a button while away from home, a replacement is right at hand.


3. Label them, and put them in a box, bin or jar.

Over on GardenWeb, Molly says: "I attach the buttons to an index card stapled to the hangtags of the garment and add a description of it. Then I put the card in a small box that I keep just for this purpose. A number times this has saved the day for me."

And Pinktoes says: "Most of my new clothes come with spares in a tiny plastic or paper hang tag. I use those. For the paper ones I write what garment ... on the tag and it goes in a covered buttons box, which also holds tins of loose buttons. I also write the date of purchase and owner. Oh, and in my case, the SIZE. I remember the day I threw away the spare buttons for my wedding dress, which was a size 4. No use for those in the foreseeable future.

For the plastic bags I write up that description on scrap paper or an index card and insert it inside. Or use a small Ziploc bag (snack size)."

This is the same basic technique recommended by DwellWell.

And you've got to smile at what FetchezLaVache wrote on Mumsnet: "I write 'blue blouse from Next' or whatever on a small piece of paper, pop it in the little plastic bag, then mislay it."


4. Keep them in a business card holder (or something similar).

This is the Martha Stewart approach, as I learned from The Wannabe WAHM and Eternal Voyageur at YouLookFab. You can see a photo on the Martha Stewart web site.

Scarlett on YouLookFab does something similar: "I actually keep mine in a little booklet with pockets meant to hold business cards. Sometimes I include a note to remember what the button goes to. This works well for me, but it is not a large volume of buttons."

Joy on YouLookFab mostly uses the "sew it in" approach for her own clothes, but takes this approach for others: "For those that don’t get sewn in and most of DH’s extra buttons I’ve found my son’s abandoned plastic binder pages that held baseball cards to be perfect."


5. Sort and store them by color.

Rather than labeling individual buttons, some folks (including a couple on Julie Morgenstern's Idea Exchange) choose to just sort them by color, so it's relatively to find the right button when you want it.

Anyone else want to chime in? What do YOU do with those buttons?

[photo by Sally Hunter (gingermaddy), found on Flickr, licensed under Creative Commons.]

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July/August 2010 Organizing Tips and More: Photo Organizing, etc.

My July/August 2010 newsletter is now available.

Tip of the Month: Organizing the Photos

Product of the Month: The Cutter stool and box, sold by Mjölk and others

Also: Recycling/Donation Idea of the Month

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Is a Family Member’s Clutter Driving You Crazy?

I've raved about Naomi Seldin's Simpler Living blog many times before, and the guest post she wrote here was very popular with readers.

Naomi kindly offered me a chance to write a guest post on her blog - so go there to read strategies for dealing with someone else's clutter.

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8 Tips for Getting (and Staying) Organized When You Have Memory Problems

Memory problems can result from all sorts of medical issues - so it's worth seeing a doctor if you have concerns about your memory.

But here are some suggestions on how to stay organized even when your memory isn't working at its best. (Note: These tips are intended for those with manageable memory issues, not severe issues that put someone at serious risk of harm.) Many of these suggestions are useful to those without memory issues; they just take on some added urgency if memory is a concern.


1. Declutter

If you do misplace something, it will be easier to find if your space isn't cluttered.


2. Have a place for everything - and label it.

This may include labeling the outside of dresser drawers and kitchen cabinets. The Remind and Find labels shown above were designed for just this purpose - and of course you can find others, or create your own. [via organizer Shannon Zipoy]

You'll want to be especially sure to have set places for your glasses, keys, wallet, medications and important papers.


3. Use routines and checklists.

If there are things you need to do repeatedly - every day, for example - consider creating a checklist. A morning checklist and a before-bed checklist work well for some people.

Specialized checklists for how to do specific tasks can be helpful, too. My mother used to have a checklist that told her exactly how to take her insulin, and it worked fine for her, even though she sometimes had memory challenges in other areas.


4. Use a calendar, a to-do list, and a message-taking notebook.

A single calendar or planner that lists all your appointments is a critical tool. Your to-do list could be noted on the calendar/planner or kept separately; some people like to use a whiteboard to keep their to-do items in front of them.

It can also help to have a notebook where you record all your phone messages and notes from conversations with others, so you don't wind up with random pieces of paper all over the place. With the single-notebook approach, you know that if you forget what someone said, you can easily go look it up.

An alternative (or supplement) to the notebook might be a voice recorder; this is another good way to capture notes to yourself.




5. Use whatever memory aid products are useful to you.

Some of the most common memory aids are weekly pill cases; there are many to choose from. There are all sorts of pill dispensers and reminders, too; see MaxiAids and ActiveForever.com for some ideas. BIndependent has some advice about selecting the medication aid that's best for you.

Timers of all sorts can be useful, too.

But I've been amazed at the range of products available - such as the Clarity photo phones, found here and here. [Via BIndependent, which also sells this phone] A glance at the list of memory aids at Gold Violin and Dynamic Living might give you some ideas, too.




6. Consider tools that help you find misplaced items.

ADDitude Magazine lists a few of the many products available, including the Find One, Find All key finder shown above.


7. Let people help.

Sometimes just a little help is all someone needs. My brother or I loaded my mom's weekly pill cases each week - but she didn't need any help remembering to take the pills once they were in the pill cases. She had her routines, and they served her well.


8. Mix and match all of the above into a solution that works for you.

Everyone's needs are different; experiment and find out what works for your particular situation!

Anyone else have suggestions? If something has worked particularly well for you or someone you know, I'd love to hear about it.

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March 2010 Organizing Tips and More

My March 2010 newsletter is now available.

Tip of the Month: 8 Ways to Tame the Maintenance Monster

Organizing Product of the month: elephant coat rack

Recycling/Reuse Idea of the Month: local theater companies

Also included: Organizing Quote of the Month and some Twitter tidbits

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Protecting Our Cats and Dogs: Pet-Safe Storage

When we think of storing things safely, we often think of protecting babies and young children, and things like earthquake-safe storage. But those of us with pets need to think about them, too.

My friend Jill just passed along the latest word from the ASPCA regarding pet poisons - and a number of these have storage implications. To quote in part:

Pets often snatch pill vials from counters and nightstands or gobble up medications accidentally dropped on the floor, so it’s essential to keep meds tucked away in hard-to-reach cabinets.

People food like grapes, raisins, avocado and products containing xylitol, like gum, can seriously disable our furry friends, and accounted for more than 17,453 cases in 2009. One of the worst offenders - chocolate - contains large amounts of methylxanthines, which, if ingested in significant amounts, can cause vomiting, diarrhea, panting, excessive thirst, urination, hyperactivity, and in severe cases, abnormal heart rhythm, tremors and seizures.

Many baits used to attract rodents contain inactive ingredients that are attractive to pets as well.

Everybody knows that household cleaning supplies can be toxic to adults and children, but few take precautions to protect their pets from common agents such as bleaches, detergents and disinfectants.

Chemical hazards - found in ethylene glycol antifreeze, paint thinner, drain cleaners and pool/spa chemicals - form a substantial danger to pets.

So be careful about how you store medicines, food products, and various chemicals if you have pets around!

Related Post:
Pet Stuff Storage, Part 1 (with links to the other parts)
Be Your Own Professional Organizer, Part 4: Decide Where to Store Stuff

[Photo: One of my cats, Puppy]

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